


milestones

by arashian155



Category: Gintama
Genre: Fluff, M/M, if you squint hard enough you might find the angst, seriously there's so much fluff in this it's gross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 04:39:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14073081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arashian155/pseuds/arashian155
Summary: It starts with a drink and ends with a ring.





	milestones

**Author's Note:**

  * For [natodiangelo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/natodiangelo/gifts).



> Written as a gift for the Gintama Secret Santa event for my dear friend Nat <333  
> //remembers to post this on ao3 3 months after Christmas oops 8))

The first time Sakata Gintoki and Hijikata Toushirou share a drink after the return of the Shinsengumi, it’s surprisingly not in their usual place, but in Gintoki’s hospital room.

The fight with Utsuro had ended just days before, and the damage Gintoki’s body sustained had confined him to a hospital bed he wasn’t allowed to leave, courtesy of just about every single person he knew, since the moment he came to.

The kids had been spending the entire time with him, and he had just convinced them to go home and rest for the night (so he could plot his escape from the hospital) when there was a knock on his door.

Hijikata came into his room just a little before midnight, claiming that he got someone from the Shinsengumi to bring him a bottle of top shelf sake – since Hijikata was trapped in a hospital room one floor below his – and he didn’t feel like drinking alone.

They stayed up till 4 in the morning talking about nothing and everything. They talked about useless things and made fun of each other, laughed and made jokes (mostly Gintoki), they talked about random memories and stupid adventures (and came to the realization that they’ve had too many of those together) and shared many smiles and winces and looks of exasperation throughout the night.

When Gintoki woke up the next morning, he found Hijikata passed out on the chair beside his bed, his head falling forward and  _damn_  the knots he’ll find in his neck and shoulders once he wakes up will definitely hurt like a bitch.

That would be the first time Gintoki wakes up to Hijikata Toushirou sleeping next to him. Well, technically sleeping in the chair next to his bed, but never mind the details.

Gintoki felt no hangover, he didn’t feel sick and his head didn’t hurt despite the sake they’d drunk the night before. Instead, he felt refreshed; he couldn’t remember the last time he had had that much fun and laughed that freely.

He knew it had everything to do with the company he had.

* * *

 

Hijikata Toushirou had not realized how deeply he felt for Sakata Gintoki until the first time they kissed.

They had just finished having lunch together – a coincidence they both used to accuse the other of being a stalker – and were having a random talk about movies, discussing how heartbreaking My Neighbor Pedoro was and, “You need to watch Alien vs Yakuza, Yorozuya! Jo Bro is a much better protagonist than you’ll ever be!” when Hijikata was yanked into an alley, snapping him out of his review – read: fanboying – and causing him to look at Gintoki’s face again with an insult on the tip of his tongue.

The amused, almost affectionate smile (with one corner of his mouth turned up and eyes giving him a  _you’re such an idiot_  look) Gintoki was giving him made him forget what he was about to say.

He will never admit it, but he stopped breathing altogether.

Hijikata’s mind was blank. He was not capable of thinking of anything as Gintoki brought his face closer to Hijikata’s and touched their foreheads together, looking into his eyes and searching.

Hijikata believes that Gintoki found whatever he was searching for, because not a few seconds later, Hijikata had his eyes closed and his lips connected to Gintoki’s.

The feelings that had been slowly, subtly, surely building up over the time they spent together hit Hijikata full force and it wasn’t the kiss itself that did that, but the nervous gulp he felt Gintoki take before their lips touched and the shaking hand cupping the back of Hijikata’s neck, the chasteness of the kiss as if Gintoki couldn’t decide if he was doing the right thing, but still trying to convey something he wasn’t capable of giving words to.

Everything about it was so unguarded, so unlike the smug, shameless bastard Gintoki was, and Hijikata could see memories flashing behind his eyelids of moments when he was able to see through Gintoki’s guarded walls, and how much he felt every time but never realized just what it had been.

Hijikata was feeling too much and so, while it had been Gintoki who initiated the kiss, it was Hijikata who took it up a notch, pressing his lips harder to Gintoki’s, steeling his grip on his yukata, pulling him closer and closer, wanting to pour everything into this kiss, into telling this asshole with the most captivating soul Hijikata had ever seen that he felt the same, that he was beyond the point of denying himself what his heart wants again, because everything in Hijikata, his brain, his soul, his entire being yearns for Gintoki and the dam was broken and the emotions were overflowing and Hijikata has no idea how he had been able to ignore feelings with such an intensity for such a long time.

(He later figures out it’s because he had done that too many times in his life, he’s too used to locking out things he yearns to have, whether it’s the big warm hand engulfing his and patting his head lovingly, the wide back and guarding silhouette that he associates with safety and family, or the adoring smile and gentle eyes, soft giggles and longing looks he associates with warmth and affection.)

And the hand cupping the back of his neck was no longer shaking; it was sliding into his hair and clutching it between fingers that lost every bit of uncertainty, while the other hand was moving across his chest, up his shoulders, grasping his back and pulling him closer.

By the time they broke the kiss, they were gasping for air, looking into each other’s eyes (Hijikata saw so much  _want_ in red eyes that was surely mirroring his own) and then Gintoki smiled again.

This time, both corners were turned up, teeth showing and it was contagious because Hijikata felt a breathless huff forcing its way out and then they were both chuckling into the small space between them, foreheads connected and noses almost touching.

They stayed in that alley for a while, pressing small kisses and sharing looks and touches that convey feelings that had been building up for days, months, even years. They went home separately with the promise of meeting up to watch Alien vs Yakuza, the entire franchise.

* * *

 

The second time Sakata Gintoki wakes up to find Hijikata Toushirou sleeping next to him, it’s a snowy day and they’re both snuggled in Gintoki’s futon.

It’s been a couple of weeks since they’ve started sleeping together, but it’s always Hijikata who wakes up first. Gintoki considers it a development that he even wakes up to see Hijikata dressed up and about to leave, since he’d always woken up to an empty space next to him in the beginning and Gintoki never liked that.

And so, when Gintoki finds himself up before Hijikata, he revels in the warmth radiating from him. He had already been aware of his feelings for Hijikata during the first time in the hospital, but he had been at the point where he was still fighting it off, ignoring it, keeping it to himself, and so, he tried to find any excuse to wake Hijikata up before his resolve weakens.

(It kept weakening. Hijikata has no idea but just about everything he did broke Gintoki’s resolve more and more, and then out of all things to shatter it completely, it had been something as simple as Hijikata being too excited about a movie that he wouldn’t shut up about, counting off the good things about it and then recounting them again just to make sure he didn’t miss anything and Gintoki knew he was a smoking freak and a mayo freak but it turns out he was a movie freak too and he hates himself for finding that endearing enough for him to think  _fuck it I want him._ )

Remembering that life-changing moment – and how anticlimactic it was,  _seriously_  – Gintoki feels a smile pulling on the corners of his mouth, feels his heart swelling it might just burst and  _that was it_  he had to kiss him.

It was just a light peck on the lips but Hijikata is a light sleeper – he once told Gintoki that sleeping a few rooms away from Sougo did him some good when it didn’t almost kill him –  and so, once Gintoki pulled back, he found Hijikata blinking away the sleep, and squinting at him.

“Wha’ time is it?” Hijikata yawned. “Why’re you up so early? Is it early?”

Gintoki rolled his eyes. “You don’t have work today, you literally have nothing to do today, why do you even care if it’s early or not?”

“Just wanted to figure out if you were creepy enough to wake up early to ogle me while I’m sleeping,” Hijikata replied with a smirk.

“As if!” Gintoki scoffed. “Who’d wanna stare at your ugly mug anyways?”

“I can literally name five occasions in which you called me a ‘pretty face’, don’t start a losing battle.”

“…wanna get breakfast?”

Hijikata, choosing to spare Gintoki, let it go and yawned again. “I wanna sleep.”

“Oi, I’m the lazy one, what happened to you? Am I rubbing off on you too much?” Gintoki smirked, poking Hijikata’s cheek.

Hijikata slapped Gintoki’s hand away and glared at him half-heartedly. “Right, because you work six days a week and get five hours of sleep at most every day. Sure.” Staring at Gintoki a bit longer, Hijikata grumpily muttered a, “C’mere,” hooked his arm around Gintoki’s shoulder and pulled him closer, touching their foreheads together.

Staring into Hijikata’s eyes, Gintoki recalled the first time they kissed, how relieved and content and  _perfect_ he felt when Hijikata kissed back, when he poured his feelings right back after Gintoki tried to convey his.

Feeling another wave of  _feels_ coming, Gintoki let out a breathless chuckle, murmured an affectionate, “Bastard,” and met Hijikata’s lips halfway.

The second time Sakata Gintoki wakes up to Hijikata Toushirou next to him, it’s a snowy day, they’re both tucked in Gintoki’s futon, exchanging light kisses and insults, bathing in each other’s warmth, and Gintoki decides waking up early isn’t always so bad.

* * *

Hijikata Toushirou fell in love three times in his life.

The first time, it was in the form of wanting to protect something delicate, something that spread so much warmth in his chest and made him want to see that beautiful girl with her lovely smile the happiest woman in the world. There was a constant yearning for her, but his conscience was unforgiving. It kept giving him all the right reasons to stay away and not ruin her; so he did. Hijikata buried the name Okita Mitsuba and all that came with it deep inside his heart and sealed it away.

The second time, it was in the form of wanting to follow a person with a heart of gold, a man who was sunshine in its brightness and warmth, a figure that Hijikata and hundreds of men fell for and admired and wanted to spend their lives accompanying him wherever he may take them. It didn’t take long for Hijikata to decide that this was the person he’d give his life to, this man’s dream was his and he’d live and die protecting it. And so, Hijikata decided he’d follow Kondou Isao anywhere, be it to Edo or straight into Hell.

The third and last time Hijikata Toushirou fell in love, it was in the form of raw emotions and deep understanding, a mixture of so many feelings that kept building up and it was so familiar and so foreign all at once. There was desire, there was affection, there was frustration, there was anger, there was yearning; yearning that even his stupid conscience couldn’t stand against, because a stronger part of his brain, a voice inside Hijikata’s head that kept getting louder and louder, told him that the stupid silver-haired samurai who picks his nose more often than not, who has a dumb look on his face about 99% of the time, who bitches about doing the smallest jobs then goes and saves fucking Edo time and time again, who complains about two kids and a monster dog not leaving him alone then protects them with his life, his honor, his everything, who was there for him at some of his worst times; the man who is both the shameless Yorozuya and the dangerous Shiroyasha, this is the one for him. This is the man who fits Hijikata Toushirou the best, who understands Thorny Toushi the most, who communicates with the Demon Vice-Commander in a way that Hijikata doesn’t know how to describe but so deeply  _spiritual_.

It takes a couple of months for Hijikata to get to the final realization:

He wants to spend his entire life with Sakata Gintoki.

And while that gives him another overwhelming mixture of emotions he doesn’t know how to sort out, he knows one thing for sure.

He’s scared shitless.

Because he’s seen the way Gintoki looks at his kids. He’s seen the way he treats them. He’s seen how  _good_ and just – just, how _fatherly_  he is with kids. He’s always thought about how Gintoki would make a great dad and how much he must want a family of his own.

And that’s funny, because the last time Hijikata checked, he doesn’t have the uterus to provide that. This is where his stupid conscience gains enough power to poison him with painful logic. It scared him shitless, and it fucking  _hurt_.

 

* * *

Here is how Sakata Gintoki comes to the realization that heartbreaks in soap operas he had watched weren’t as unrealistically dramatic as he thought they would be:

Hijikata spent days and weeks avoiding him, drifting away, slowly building up this hollowness inside Gintoki until he finally faced him again, only to – he swears he’s not a drama queen – break his heart.

It all escalated too quickly, Gintoki couldn’t wrap his head around what happened until much later. He’d got called out by Hijikata, met him at the bridge they had held secret conferences at when their souls switched, and was told by Hijikata that their “little game” had gone on for too long and he wanted out. Of course, Gintoki couldn’t make any sense of the shit Hijikata was saying and responded with, “the actual  _fuck_?” a couple of times until Hijikata caved in and gave his shitty explanation, which was pathetically short and consisted of:  _we’re not gonna work_ , _this is going nowhere_ ,and _it’s a waste of time_.

Gintoki was too baffled to even stop Hijikata from leaving after dropping off that bomb.

It took a long time for the feeling of numbness and utter confusion to go away, and when he was sober again, it fucking  _hurt_.

What the fuck does he even mean by them not working? Gintoki doesn’t like to brag, but he hasn’t met that many people in his life that were as connected as he and Hijikata were.

(Their souls were connected; Gintoki truly believed that they were connected to the very essence of their being. They always understood each other, they were always on the same page effortlessly. They were so good for each other.)

How is it going nowhere? How the fuck is what they have a waste of time? It’s true that Gintoki didn’t have that much confidence prior to the beginning of their relationship – which is, according to him, the moment Hijikata kissed him back and he realized that his feelings were reciprocated –  and it’s not like he had been completely hopeless before either. He wouldn’t have kissed Hijikata if he didn’t believe there might be a chance that Hijikata liked him back. 

But now? Now, it’s different! Their relationship was so well developed and solid and kept growing stronger and stronger over the time that it stopped crossing Gintoki’s mind at some point that they could break up.

Gintoki thought their relationship was going somewhere. He didn’t know  _where_ , but it sure as hell was not break up. No! The complete opposite! It was heading somewhere far into the future, way into the future ( _for lifetime_ , a whisper inside Gintoki’s head told him, he knows it, he avoids thinking about it ‘cause he’s not one to take things for granted, never takes things for granted, but he  _knows_  it), and he just can’t wrap his head around the thought of Hijikata considering it a fling, a  _little game_!

So Gintoki spends a day hurting, trying to rationalize and understand Hijikata’s actions and failing to do so, then he spends a couple of days trying to lock out everything that is related to Hijikata out of his head and go on with his life while ignoring the stabs of pain he gets every few hours, then a few weeks of acting aloof and okay around the Shinsengumi, around Hijikata (who’s doing them both a favor and making himself scarce) until one day, he’s had enough.

Fuck everything, he doesn’t understand and at least if Hijikata wants to end it so badly, he’s gonna have to provide Gintoki with some closure, some decent reason, or Gintoki will never stop questioning what went wrong.

So the very next time he sees Hijikata walking the streets, on patrol, he grabs his collar, shoves him into some alley, and lets out a cracked, “ _Why_?”

Hijikata is just as caught off guard by his tone as Gintoki himself is that he’s unable to mask his guilt. He’s hurt, Gintoki sees that this has not been any easier on Hijikata than it’s been on himself and he just gets more confused.

* * *

 

Hijikata averts his eyes and says nothing.

Gintoki keeps staring at him, urging him to speak. He’s not letting him go before everything makes sense again.

It’s after a couple of minutes of averted gazes and intense stares that Hijikata loses, lets out a weary sigh, and starts talking.

“I’m a man,” Hijikata begins, still avoiding eye contact. “It doesn’t matter if we’re okay with being both men; it doesn’t matter if everyone is okay that we’re both men. It’s not natural.” Hijikata squeezes his eyes. “It’s…not.”

“What are you even talking about? I don’t understand you,” Gintoki frowns, “since when has this been a problem? What the fuck do you even mean by natural – what?”

“What’s so difficult to understand!? It’s obvious!” Hijikata snaps, giving Gintoki a frustrated glare.

“What the fuck is obvious!? I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about!” Gintoki yells, his own frustration too much for him to keep his calm anymore. “Wha – is it the sex? Are you talking about sex!? Is that it, you asshole!?”

“NO! Wha – “ Hijikata splutters, “what the fu – why are you always – “ then he suddenly stops yelling back. It  _does_ have to do with sex, just not the way Gintoki thinks. His mouth snaps shut and he glares at the ground.

“…you wanted to end it because the sex is not good for you? Are you fucking ser – “

“Oh my  _God_ , just shut the fuck up! No! No, it’s not the fucking sex, you dim piece of shit!”

“Well it better not be the sex ‘cause I know I’m good at that! You like – “

“Do you _know_ what shut up means? _SHUT UP! SHUT UP!_ ”  Hijikata shouts, blushing all the way to his ears. “I can’t give you what you want! I am not a fucking woman, I’m not gonna get pregnant and I can’t give you kids, I can’t give you a family!”

Realizing how quickly and loudly he’s breathing, Hijikata takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, staring at Gintoki who has his eyebrows raised and mouth slightly open.

Feeling uncomfortable with the silence, Hijikata continues babbling. “I know how much you want a family. I know how much you treasure your kids and I – everyone realizes how much of a great parent you’d be.” Hijikata sighs, “I’m not like you. I barely tolerate kids to begin with. I’m not – “ Hijikata shakes his head. “That’s not the point. Even if I did want a family, even if I did want children of my own, it’s impossible for me to have that with you,” Hijikata gives Gintoki a sorry look, “just like it’s impossible for you to have that with me.”

Hijikata goes back to avoiding eye contact while Gintoki keeps staring at him, this time with that blank face Hijikata loathes so much because he can’t read Gintoki anymore, can’t see what he’s thinking.

“You’re really fucking stupid, you know that?” Gintoki whispers a few moments later.

Hijikata glares at Gintoki. “What?”  

“You are a fucking moron and I don’t know how the Shinsengumi survived for so long with you as their brain, you fucking airhead,” Gintoki starts. “Who the fuck are you to decide what I want for me? Hah? Who told you I wanna plant my seed somewhere and get a child of my own? You think I’m horrible enough to want some poor child to inherit this untamable perm? Ha? You – you – I can’t believe you!” Gintoki throws his hands in the air, “I  _have_ a family, you jackass. I already have two loud, stupid kids who won’t stop annoying me no matter how much they grow up! I have a giant dog for a pet, too! I have an old hag who won’t stop nagging for the fucking rent and – and,” Gintoki takes a deep breath, “I don’t need to marry some woman to start a family. I already have too many people I need to take care of, it’s already too troublesome as it is,” Gintoki finishes grumpily.

Hijikata is still, he doesn’t know what to say. He’s not stupid, he knows Gintoki considers the Yorozuya and Otose his family, he knows that but – someone as affectionate with children as Gintoki… how could he not want to build his own family?

Gintoki steps closer to him, grabs the front of his jacket and pulls him close, their faces inches apart and Gintoki is glaring at him. “Don’t decide for me what I want. I am not – “ Gintoki stops, seemingly considering his next words. Then carefully, slowly, his tone becomes a bit less sharp, he continues, “I’m me. I’m not someone that you can choose to give up on and marry off to someone else. I’m not someone whose form of happiness is up for you to decide. You can’t just walk away from me after all this,” the hand grasping on Hijikata’s jacket tightens, “you don’t get to give up on me. You don’t.”

It stings. Gintoki knows how much talking about Mitsuba hurts him, he knows that Hijikata will never be fully okay with discussing anything about her, and for him to say this; for him to point this out to Hijikata, to tell him not to treat him like Mitsuba, it fucking hurts but it’s a wake-up call, and the things he said after that –  _you can’t just walk away from me after all this_ ,  _you don’t get to give up on me. You don’t_  – they just keep echoing inside Hijikata’s head.

He won’t.

God, he can’t. He can’t go on with this shit after hearing Gintoki say these things.

He wants him. He wants him now, he’ll want him next year, he’ll want him forever.

He wants to spend his life with Sakata Gintoki and this thought is no less scary than before, but Gintoki’s words make him braver.

“Oi.”

Hijikata realizes he hasn’t said a word since Gintoki started scolding him and now Gintoki is waiting for a response and Hijikata doesn’t know what to –

“I love you.”

Gintoki stares at him with wide eyes, mouth slightly agape. Hijikata would have felt kind of proud for how many times he’s caught Gintoki off guard today if it wasn’t for the fact that he just caught himself off guard.

Hijikata blinks owlishly back at Gintoki, at loss for what to say after the uncalled for confession he just let out.

_Is it really that surprising, though_ , Hijikata wonders. It’s not like he’s gonna be in a relationship with someone he hates. Why is it such a big deal?

Hijikata tries to calm himself, but he can feel the heat spreading all the way down to his neck and fuck, he needs to get out of here, right now.

Not knowing a better way to leave, Hijikata lets out a loud yell, punches Gintoki straight in the face, and runs for it.

By the time he stops running, he’s relieved for an obvious reason.

He gets to blame the running he just did for the redness he’s sure is still on his face.

 

* * *

The first time Sakata Gintoki kisses Hijikata Toushirou in public is one of Gintoki’s favorite moments shared with Hijikata.

After the accidental confession, Gintoki and Hijikata spent a couple of weeks being awkward around each other, not really spending that much time together – it’s always Hijikata and his work bullshit – until they met at some bar when Gintoki was spending the night drinking with Hasegawa and Hijikata with Kondou.

The four of them ended up sharing the same table, with Hijikata and Kondou facing Gintoki and Hasegawa. They started drinking and chatting and normally, Gintoki would drink himself stupid within the first hour, but he took his time, because while he went out to drink with Hasegawa, he ended up drinking with Hijikata too, and that’s always different. Drinking with Hijikata is his favorite; he gets to take his time, he gets to savor the burning sensation of alcohol and he feels good. 

Kondou and Hasegawa crash but Gintoki is at the point where he’s tipsy enough that he gets to forget about being awkward around Hijikata and it seems Hijikata himself is at that point too. And the soberness left in Gintoki tells him how much he misses this; drinking with Hijikata, talking to him, being with him.

And while he may be tipsy, he’s still very aware of the emotions that suddenly take over and  _God_ , he misses Hijikata  _so much_ , so much that he lifts a hand, reaches across the table and grabs his sleeve.

Hijikata looks at him, really looks at him and he misses having Hijikata’s gaze and his attention directed at him. Gintoki pulls at his sleeve until he responds and starts leaning in, and he leans in as well. He wants to kiss Hijikata, he misses kissing him, but there’s another thing he needs to do. He brushes his lips across Hijikata’s cheek until he reaches his ear and whispers, “I love you.”

He pulls back enough to be able to face Hijikata and the other looks so stunned that any tipsiness he might have had is completely gone.

“I’m not drunk, I know what I’m saying,” Gintoki says before Hijikata makes any assumptions, “I’m gonna remember this tomorrow and I’m not gonna mean it any less.” Gintoki tries to stay calm, but he can’t help the racing of his heart or the heat in the back of his neck.

He keeps searching Hijikata’s face for any reaction, but it seems like his brain is still processing what just happened.

It’s a few moments later that Gintoki sees the change in Hijikata’s face, eyes gazing at him, first questioning, then understanding and finally, finally Hijikata gives a proper reaction by shutting his eyes, ducking his head so that Gintoki can only see the top of it, and lowly says, “I know.”

Gintoki can literally hear the smile in his voice, and that’s enough for the tension to leave his body completely and he remembers how to be normal around Hijikata again. However, the emotions that keep screaming at him how much he misses Hijikata aren’t gone at all, so he buries a hand in Hijikata’s hair and pulls lightly at the locks enough to make him raise his head again and Gintoki must say Hijikata’s blushing a lot less than he expected him to, but he doesn’t have time to tease him about that because they’re finally kissing again and Gintoki feels so relieved and content and  _perfect_ and Hijikata must be feeling so much as well, because he’s letting Gintoki kiss him in public while his commander remains passed out right next to him and nothing matters but the two of them.  

The first time Sakata Gintoki kisses Hijikata Toushirou in public is also the only time Gintoki voices his love out for anyone and it’s just as scary as he always thought it would be.

But it’s also one of the happiest he’s ever seen Hijikata smile and he’ll be damned if he ever admits how much it took his breath away.

* * *

 

Hijikata Toushirou’s favorite moment shared with Sakata Gintoki happens on their third Christmas as a couple.

It’s a snowy Christmas morning, Hijikata wakes up to find Gintoki’s head on his shoulder and their legs tangled together. Hijikata doesn’t feel the least bit sleepy, there’s so much nervousness inside him that he doesn’t really know how he even managed to fall asleep at all.

He wants to get done with it quickly, he wants to breathe normally again, to remove the countless knots in his stomach, to steady his hands.

So he begins to untangle himself from Gintoki – which is more than enough to bring him back from the land of sleep – and moves to get up.

As expected, Gintoki lets out a displeased whine and rubs his eyes. “Where – “ a yawn, “are you goin’?” Gintoki blinks a couple of times and glances around. “F’ck, it’s too early t’be up, why’re you up?” he mumbles.

Hijikata sighs. This is it.

He reaches into his jacket’s inner pocket and takes out the piece of metal that has been weighing him down for days and weeks now. He throws it at Gintoki, who catches it despite being half asleep.

Gintoki sits up, gives him a half-hearted glare and opens his fist, taking in the sight of the silver band in his hand.

A ring.

Hijikata can’t breathe, he feels too hot in this room even though it’s barely warm enough not to want to hurry back and wrap the blanket around himself. His palms are sweating, there’s a lump in his throat, and his stomach twists so badly he feels like throwing up.

It doesn’t help that Gintoki is literally just staring at the ring like he’s never seen one before, doesn’t even know what it is. Hijikata tries so hard not to fidget, to keep a composure he knows he doesn’t have, and the idiot in front of him is not making this any easier.

It takes Gintoki an agonizing minute to react. Hijikata is paying attention to the smallest details, so he sees the way his lover’s jaw goes slack, how his eyebrows lift a bit, and his eyes completely awake. He hears the moment Gintoki’s breath hitches, how he swallows before directing his gaze – so slowly – to Hijikata’s face.

His lips move – probably trying to ask  _what the fuck is going on?_  – but only air comes out of Gintoki’s mouth.

Hijikata decides that while they’re not the type to  _talk_ about their feelings, they do have moments when they want the other to know what they’re thinking and what they’re feeling. This is one of those moments. 

“I – I know this is,” Hijikata motions with his hands, trying to find a suitable word, “sudden,”  _no shit,_ he grimaces, “but I… I want to do this.”

Letting out a shaky breath, Hijikata makes his way back to their futon, and kneels in front of Gintoki.

“We probably don’t need this, we don’t need any sort of,” Hijikata shrugs, “physical proof – that we’re together. We can go on without it, but,” he sighs. Gintoki is staring at him so intensely, making it even more difficult to force the words out. He swallows before continuing, “but I want to spend the rest of my life picking fights with you, kicking your ass every day, watching you take another step in the direction of becoming a diabetic old man,” he chuckles breathlessly. The more he talks, the more confident he becomes, so he reaches – with a pathetically shaking hand – to take the silver ring from Gintoki’s palm.

Hijikata feels his face heat up at what he’s intending to say next, but he wants this, and he wants Gintoki to know how much he wants him. “You will be my,” he clears his throat, trying not to let his embarrassment get the best of him, “my diabetic old man,” he feels his face growing hotter, “and I want everyone to know that.”

He looks at Gintoki, whose head is tilted to the side, eyes softened and the corners of his mouth curled up, ah – he’s giving him that  _you’re such an idiot_  look from all those years ago. That affectionatesmile that took Hijikata’s breath away before their first kiss sealed the deal.

This time, he remembers to smile back though. “I want  _you_  to know that.”

His other hand, the one not holding the ring, touches Gintoki’s palm in a questioning gesture, and Gintoki looks at their hands for one long moment, the smile slides off his face but his eyes still soft, taking everything in, Hijikata knows he’s beyond trying to hide his affection and he can see it. He sees how much Sakata Gintoki feels for him and he knows Gintoki sees how much he feels for him, too.

If he didn’t before, then that cheesy-as-fuck speech definitely gave him a good hint.

Gintoki turns his hand over and brings it closer to the ring in Hijikata’s hand. Hijikata looks into Gintoki’s eyes and searches for any sign of doubt, but all he sees is the ever-existing want in those red eyes that mirrors his own.

He slides the silver band into Gintoki’s ring finger with his pathetically shaking hand.

Then silence.

They just sit there, not saying a word, letting everything sink in, both staring at Gintoki’s hand and trying to control the overwhelming emotions storming inside them.

Gintoki breaks the silence a few minutes later with a whisper, “and you?”

“Hmm?”

Gintoki lifts his hands and slides them into Hijikata’s hair, pulling him closer till their foreheads are touching.

“You’re mine, too,” Hijikata feels the heat spreading across his face again, and Gintoki smirks at that. “Considering your addiction to mayo and that shitty cancer stick, you might not even live that long but – “ Hijikata growls, “ – I still want everyone to know you’re Gin-san’s property,” Gintoki’s smirk turns into a playful grin. “Where’s yours?”

Hijikata glares. “Shouldn’t  _you_ be getting me one?”

Gintoki scoffs, “you’d die before I can afford one. Seriously, where’s yours?”

Hijikata clicks his tongue and removes himself from Gintoki’s grasp, gets up and fetches an identical silver ring from the inner pocket of his jacket.

Well, this is embarrassing. It’s not like he can just put the ring on his finger and be done with it, that sounds too – ugh, just no.

Gintoki can probably read his train of thought because he lets out a short laugh, gets up and walks to where Hijikata is standing with a scowl on his face.

Taking the ring from Hijikata, Gintoki gives him one more playful smirk before kneeling in front of him and holding his left hand between his own. “Now, princess, will you marry the handsome Gin-san?”

Hijikata is so sure that his red face goes a few shades darker. Why does this little piece of shit have to be so shameless!?

“Fucking Yoro – “

“Hey, hey, hey! I’m teaching you how to do proposals decently! No need to be so rude!” Gintoki mocks while sliding the ring into Hijikata’s finger.

“Fuck you!” Hijikata screams and hits Gintoki’s head with his other hand.

“Ouch! What kind of ‘yes’ was that, you asshole!?”

Gintoki kicks him and Hijikata falls on his ass.

“You little fucker – “

“Ungrateful jerk – “

“ – fucking perm head – “

“ – nicotine freak – “

“ – sorry excuse of an adult – “

“ – worst food taste in history – “

“ – who the fuck puts red beans on rice – “

“ – who the fuck feeds cats mayonnaise – “

Eventually, their insults and hits give way to the first kiss they share that morning. It’s one of the most heartwarming kisses Hijikata has ever shared with Gintoki and he’ll never forget it.

Hijikata Toushirou’s favorite moment shared with Sakata Gintoki happens on their third Christmas as a couple, with them insulting each other and beating the shit out of each other and Hijikata can feel the smooth surface of the silver ring on Gintoki’s finger with every blow they exchange, can feel the weight of his own ring, and sees the infinity he has with this silver haired sadistic piece of shit.


End file.
